When I was a little girl (yep, this will be absolutely historical… ), I would think in great depth about what life would be like when I grew up. I’d have a husband (of course ), a house to call a home and a couple of kids. Like many little girls before me, I’d play house and I was always a mother in this scenario, because that was just the way things were going to be. I didn’t come from a conventional home unlike my friends at school. My parents were separated from when I was quite young and all my siblings were much older than me. Now, please don’t get me wrong, my childhood was wonderful but it was also unsettled and abnormal (for the dark ages!). My make-believe world was actually pretty boring as a result. We imagine up the things we don’t already have I guess.
In my make-believe world I was a housewife and I constantly had to cook and clean for my teddy bear kids and invisible husband, and keep order and discipline functioning in my pretend household. My games were pretty darn stressful come to think about it! Those teddy kids were always giving me back talk and definitely showed early character traits of psychopathy! When I think of the violence…
Some time around age eight or nine I think, the teddy kids got all grown up and my invisible husband faded to nothing and then I wasn’t a pretend wife and mother anymore.
As I grew up, it slowly dawned on me that I didn’t particularly want to be a mother of little humans. Kids are great fun. I teach them, entertain them and even write for them sometimes, but I do not want them to come out of me. I really don’t. No thank you.
I believe that parenting is basically crisis-management of varying daily proportions,, and I’m just not qualified in that area. I believe I might be good at certain aspects of parenting, but inevitably, I’d be the subject of somebody’s neurosis therapy some day, and that doesn’t sound appealing.. I wouldn’t win at mothering little humans and I don’t think they give out medals just for participating… I would suck at motherhood. This much I know!
I was pregnant for a very short time fifteen years ago and I miscarried. It was a strange sensation. I was devastated and relieved at the same time. Ultimately, I was grateful that I had the chance to really examine the idea of motherhood and decide it just wouldn’t be right for me.
My partner and I are lucky enough to be clear about our future together and all the things we don’t want. Now, cats on the other hand.. I can mother the crap out of cats. I have the scratches to show for it!
I wonder whatever became of my teddy kids after all these years? See? I am a terrible Mother!! I don’t even know where they are!
I have nothing but admiration for all you Crisis Managers out there raising your little humans and somehow managing to keep your sanity. I really don’t know how you do it!
Do you remember the characteristics of your childhood imaginary children?
Let me know!
Josephine Blue x