I am a former professional worrier. I worried for the world, it’s parents and even the man on the moon. I worried about worrying and still felt I wasn’t quite worried enough.
When I was a child, worrying was an absolute necessity. My parents were always teetering on the edge of divorce and romantic disaster and one or both of them was always drunk or depressed. It was impossible not to worry about them.
I worried on through my teens and after I had successfully worried through their separation (parts one and two), their bitter divorce and re-marriages, I then graduated on to worrying about myself.
Luckily, I had my own divorce to worry about before I knew it, not to mention financial hardship and my mother’s death following a long worrying illness.
Guys , I’m fucking worn out worrying! Enough already! Seriously!
My worrying was unceremoniously interrupted a few months back by my partner. I was minding my own business, lost in the comfort of worrying that my pretty amazing relationship was going to blow up and leave me with all the devastation that all the others had, when after a silly row, he had the audacity to tell me I actually have nothing to worry about, except worry itself. Well now!
I stopped dead in my path and dared to look around my life as it is. I shelved the worry for approximately thirty seconds and to be honest, it felt odd. It was like floating in a pool of water. I felt weightless for that brief period before I got worried about this strange sensation. Back to normal I went. My butterflies woke up in my gut and began their frenzied fluttering once more.
I decided that brief period was actually not half bad so I decided to give it another go, for longer this time…and longer. I practiced spurts of these floating periods until I managed my first whole day without my butterflies. It was incredible! It slowly dawned on me that not only was I no longer anxious, but I also had less negative thoughts about life in general.
Then the acid test came; I was in danger of losing my job, which I love. Changes in the organisational structure was a threat to my career. I did something unprecedented by looking at the situation from a calm, philosophical perspective. I did not have certainty but I had positivity which, holds a kind of certainty in itself. Everything would be some version of okay.
Worrying has been detrimental to my life and happiness until someone pointed out the bloody obvious and I chose to free myself and actually believe them.
I intend to remain worry free and happy… Hmmm, hope that doesn’t backfire! Oh! Hello Butterflies!
Don’t worry, I was only joking!
Any other former or current worries out there?
Josephine Blue x